Whose role is it?
Often, the world teaches that it’s a child’s duty to “buy houses” and “gain riches” for “their parents”. Wrong from a biblical perspective.
The Bible teaches quite the opposite:
“House and riches are the inheritance from fathers, but the prudent wife is from the LORD.” (Proverbs 19:14)
That is, the role to provide both “houses” and “riches” is of “a father” (‘not’ the son or a daughter’s duty).
Thus, many fathers have ‘failed’ to do so causing their children to buy their own houses instead (incurring huge debts) causing much difficulty in their children’s lives.
Apart from that, parents often exert great financial pressure toward their kids when they don’t earn anymore adding salt to the injury when they did ‘not’ save up enough “riches” for the child to use to take care of them during their old age.
The verse is truth. No parent or opinion from the world can fight against God’s Perfectly Fair Truth. God does “not” side either a child nor his parents because He is impartial and has set the “roles” perfectly fair to each other for He is greater than all.
That’s why we’re ought to ‘get wisdom’ first before doing anything (including marriage) in order to ‘reduce errors’ in our own ‘fleshy ways’.
“Wisdom is the principal thing; therefore get wisdom: and with all thy getting get understanding.” (Proverbs 4:7)
Thus, when a married couple is thinking of having a child, they must ‘plan in advance’ to ‘provide’ both “houses and riches” for that ‘child’ (it’s a role of a father as Proverbs 19:14 clearly states).
So the number of children a family has must be according to your ability to earn and provide both “houses and riches” for each child as the Bible verse above implies so clearly. Then, you may say that you’re striving to follow God’s Will for marriage when you fulfill His commands or principles as stated in such verses.
To simply give birth to many children causing them to suffer now and your inability to provide both “houses and riches” at the point of marriage doesn’t speak of God’s failure but of the parent’s. In case you didn’t know, God’s Will does “not” fail. If He Willed the birth of each child, there will be sufficient resources to provide for each child had their parents and forefathers abide by this ‘simple rule’.
To do otherwise (say by simply giving birth to many kids) and then expect God to provide (even claiming to be His Will) is ‘not wise’. Just because a child is born, it does ‘not’ mean it’s God’s Will any more than a child is born out of rape.
In both cases, the child has done no wrong but the parent and rapist are the ones who did wrong. This is because in the first case, we have a parent who couldn’t provide (but still brought a child into this world causing him to suffer) while in the latter we have a child born out of an act of sin (a rape).
Thus, I dare say that any birth “not” following the Principles of God (say according to this ‘rule of providence’ of “houses and riches” or by sin as in the case of a rape) is definitely “not” the Will of God.
However, God has a Perfect record of making a Way for each child if they “repent & obey Him” instead (since they start with a clean slate –> it was “not” their fault that their parent’s couldn’t provide nor if their mothers’ were raped). That’s a reason why God does “not” impute the sin of the parents upon a child ‘automatically’ (a prevalent ‘false teaching’ among many cultures of this world –> even calling ‘that child accursed’ too):
“The one who sins is the one who will die. The child will not share the guilt of the parent, nor will the parent share the guilt of the child. The righteousness of the righteous will be credited to them, and the wickedness of the wicked will be charged against them.” (Ezekiel 18:20)
Dear parents, if you can’t provide thus, don’t have children or best still, don’t marry. It’s worse to bring a child into the world and wound it with “personal selfish ambitions of getting rich or gaining houses” (for yourself).
What’s the role of a child then?
If they received “houses and riches” from their parents, they ought not forget their parents but are charged to take care of them too or ‘not despise them’ (especially during their old age):
“Listen to your father* who begot you, And do not despise your mother when she is old.” (Proverbs 23:22)
What’s God’s role in marriage?
If God wants you to marry, He will provide a “prudent wife” as Proverbs 19:14 literally states. If there are “no” prudent wife candidates around, then you well know it’s “not” God’s Will for you to marry or that the time or place for you is ‘not right’.
*Don’t listen blindly to everything your father (or mother) says but only “in the Lord” as this verse complements this fact:
“Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.” (Ephesians 6:1)
For example, as a Christian, you need ‘not’ marry even if commanded by your parents if they didn’t provide “houses or riches prior” (since your father is disobeying Proverbs 19:14) simply because such a command is “NOT in the Lord” (e.g. ‘not fulfilling Proverbs 19:14, which is a requirement first —> even in context for the first part of this verse speaks of a child getting “houses and riches” from ‘his father’ while the latter part speaks of “God” providing a ‘prudent wife’ thereafter if it’s His Will).
Summarizing, these are the ‘family planning’ roles as the verses above clearly hint on:
(i) Parents especially father —> (provide both “houses and riches”; Proverbs 19:14)
(ii) Children —> (take care of your parents when they become old; Proverbs 23:22)
(iii) God —> (gives you a prudent wife, if it’s His Will for you to marry; Proverbs 19:14)
What if one of the ones mentioned above does “not” fulfill (or ‘provide’ for his own) as mentioned in the ‘roles above’? Such a one is ‘worse than an unbeliever’ as this verse states regarding ‘any who chooses not to provide’ for their own (or disobeys His Word) as commanded in Scripture:
“Anyone who does not provide for their relatives, and especially for their own household, has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.” (1 Timothy 5:8)
You may leave everything (including your wife, parents or even houses) only on account of His Gospel (the higher Call —> Just make sure ‘you’re truly called’ or you will be found a liar on that Day):
“and every one who left houses, or brothers, or sisters, or father, or mother, or wife, or children, or fields, for My name’s sake, an hundredfold shall receive, and life age-during shall inherit;” – Lord Jesus Christ (Matthew 19:29)
Here’s a ‘family -related’ note regarding the Day of the LORD –> especially in regards to the ‘hearts of the fathers and their sons’:
“Lo, I am sending to you Elijah the prophet, Before the coming of the Day of the LORD*, the Great and the Fearful (Day). And he hath turned back the heart of fathers to sons, And the heart of sons to their fathers, Before I come and have utterly smitten the land!” (Malachi 4:5 – 6)
*LORD = Jehovah